


i am a few (i am none)

by FreshBrains



Series: Femslash 100 Drabble tag 5: Orphan Black [4]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Community: femslash100, Depression, F/F, Suicidal Thoughts, Threesome - F/F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-01
Updated: 2014-06-01
Packaged: 2018-01-27 21:38:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1723394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreshBrains/pseuds/FreshBrains
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was maddening, being someone and <i>not</i> being them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i am a few (i am none)

**Author's Note:**

> For the femslash100 drabble tag 5 prompt: Alison/Beth/Cosima - longing. Minor s2 spoilers.

It was maddening, being someone and _not_ being them. 

*

Cosima noticed the way Alison was able to command a room in seconds flat, the way she could stand tall with her shoulders squared and take charge.  She was the same way the first time she kissed Cosima—all surety and poise, even and hard and perfect.

“Well,” she said, crisply licking her lips, “I haven’t done _that_ since college.”

Cosima nodded weakly, and wished to be brave.

*

 _There’s a ton of us out there,_ Cosima whispered one night when she and Beth were tangled up together on her apartment couch.  _Dozens, maybe._

When Beth asked how she knew, Cosima just shrugged.

“It’s all in the science.”

Beth always felt like that; she was always the one to know last, to figure out the problem too late.  Some cop she was.  No wonder why Paul couldn’t love her.

Beth curled into Cosima’s searching, knowing arms and wished to be brilliant.

*

It drove Alison wild, knowing that it was all a lie, every last second of every day.  An experiment—an experiment in human life, in living, in human growth.  Donnie was a lie, her marriage was a lie, _everything_ was a lie.

And Cosima—brilliant, smiling, bleeding Cosima—was going to leave her too, leave her without answers.

It hadn’t been a lie with Beth.  Beth was always honest, always open.  But she was gone, just like everything else.

Alison cried, and cried, and wished to be gone.


End file.
